The Cruise

Holy vacation, Batman!

Mama LL and I had a rock awesome time last week. While I never considered myself a "cruiser" per se, there's something about absolute and total luxury that really speaks to me. Diamonds and dream homes, pfft. But it's clear I'm gonna have to start making more money on the side with that puppy grow-op so I can take more vacations like this one. Three stars will no longer cut it.

Sunday we were up at dawn's crack to meet our driver for a 7:20 am flight. Foolishly, we actually adhered to the novelty we were needed at the airport three hours prior to boarding, only to find out we weren't able to go through US customs until one and a half hours before boarding. So we stood in line with the general malcontents, people watching while mom's knee swelled to the size of a grapefruit.

The flight and boat boarding was swell. We got our groovy sea pass charge cards all loaded up and promptly went to the bar, me for a brew and mom for a Bloody Mary. These were promptly followed by Guinness and Zinfindel, and Guinness and Zinfindel, and Guinness and Long Island Ice Tea(s)... And so the week flowed.

Our cabin was very cozy with a beautiful view of the lifeboats, complete with a sizeable balcony from which to gaze at the giant orange monstrosities. The beds were super comfy, and just as I remembered from our cruise 15 years ago, I've never slept better in my life. I was literally rocked to bed every night in a giant, 2500 passenger cradle. And I totally pocketed all of the free toiletries (hope you like 'em, Fingers!)

WARNING! If you're name is Pants, stop reading now!!!

The food. Dear god, the food. Anything you could conceive of, you could find it. And it's all free, 24 hours a day. A salad bar with feta and goat cheese that literally melted in your mouth. A build your own sundae bar. A nacho bar. A pizza bar. A BBQ. Sushi, homemade donuts, fresh fruit, mountains of fresh hot cookies, butter chicken and samosas, homemade turkey, bacon, sausage, chicken breasts, stir fry, speghetti and meatballs.... And I can keep going. It seriously took all I had to pace myself, and I won't lie... Every meal was finished with ice cream of some sort.

Dear god the food. See left for a sample breakfast.

While there was a lot to do (movies, lectures, hot glass blowing demonstrations, bingo, a fully operating casino, shopping, mini golf, croquet, three pools and eight hot tubs, a fully equiped gym with classes up the wazoo, a spa, late night comedy shows, musicals, live music, dance parties, karaoke, trivia competitions, and on and on and on...) mom and I spent most days laying in the sun, reading, walking the ship, and (me) running the track that circled the 14th floor.

Talk about trippy. Running on a boat is hard stuff. The rocking too and fro messed something crazy with your balance, and add to that the fact the deck chairs are all positioned to stare at your jiggly butters running by, and you've got yourself some very awkward conditions.

We shared books, bought each other sangria, discussed what we'd wear to dinner, people watched and gossiped about what we saw while people watching, and reminisced about past holidays with dad. Most nights we ate late, avoided awkward conversations with our table partners, and tucked ourselves in to an on-demand movie about 11:00 pm (minus the one night we got sucked into the 1960s retro dance party that cascaded into the grand foyer... see picture.)

We stopped in San Jan, St. Marten, the BVIs, and Labadee, and always made time for walking the town, shopping, and site seeing. San Juan was a very pretty city with blue cobblestone and brightly coloured buildings and outdoor cafes.

Tortola, BVI was hot, hot, hot, and although our stay was short these are definitely islands I'd like to go back to.

Labadee was cold and rainy, but that didn't stop us from sipping cold ones and watching the storms roll in from beach chairs. I even talked Mama into two (extremely expensive) hair braids!

And in the case of St. Marten, getting on board a catamaran for some snorkeling and party time was well worth the $89. Giddee up! Excuse the cheesy white sunglasses but there was no way I was gonna risk losing my hispter glasses to the sea (not to mention the rum punch and wicked undertow...)

 

Between the sun, the quiet time, the total and complete indulgence, and the company I honestly couldn't have asked for a better time, with the exception of the fact that  both of us said more than once we wished Beef had been with us. The laughs would have been doubled, for sure.

If someone asked me what it is I did last week, I'm quasi-ashamed with so much offered our way, to say "not much". But on the flip side, I couldn't have asked for anything more and I know we both had a ridiculous time perfecting the art of lazy. And I would gratefully accompany such a hip lady wherever she wanted to go, and will cross my fingers she'll be up for more fun next year.